On the eve of my 48th Birthday

So as I contemplate another year I decided to make a gratitude list of 48 things I am grateful for. These thoughts are not in any specific order but just as they came to mind! 1. I am grateful I have life. 2. I am grateful that God has chosen to love me 3. I am grateful that I am part of a royal priesthood, a chosen generation 4. I am grateful for a loving husband 5. I am grateful for three amazing children 6. I am grateful that my Mom is still alive to bless me on my birthday 7. I am grateful for a home to live in 8. I am grateful for food on our table everyday 9. I am grateful for a dish washer 10. I am grateful that I have a great job 11. I am grateful for my car 12. I am grateful for my friends 13. I am grateful for the beautiful city I live in 14. I am grateful for freedom to worship the God I love 15. I am grateful that I have a deep relationship with my Creator 16. I am grateful that I have learned to call him “Abba Father” 17. I am grateful for the bursaries that my children have received for their education 18. I am grateful for good health 19. I am grateful that I had a loving earthy father 20. I am grateful that my parents allowed me to make my own choices 21. I am grateful that I have a sister and a brother 22. I am grateful for a jealous husband who always protects me and looks out for me 23. I am grateful that he always has my interests at heart 24. I am grateful that my children respect me 25. I am grateful for music 26. I am grateful that I am meeting friends from other cultures 27. I am grateful for God’s protection over the children at our school 28. I am grateful for domestic help once a week 29. I am grateful for the ability to think and reason 30. I am grateful for Kimmy Mitchell and all that she teaches me about life and being yourself everyday 31. I am grateful that I can read 32. I am grateful that I can feel the fresh breeze on my skin 33. I am grateful that I have a beautiful garden where I can spend time meditating on God’s word. 34. I am grateful for the cross and the salvation of my soul 35. I am grateful for my warm bed 36. I am grateful for beautiful clothes 37. I am grateful for Nelson Mandela and others who fought for our freedom 38. I am grateful friends who pray for me 39. I am grateful for each new sunrise 40. I am grateful for the health of my children 41. I am grateful for good leadership at our church 42. I am grateful for an inspirational boss 43. I am grateful for genuine deep friendships that challenge and grow me 44. I am grateful for all the children in my life 45. I am grateful for friends who have helped me to raise my children 46. I am grateful for the peace of a good nights sleep 47. I am grateful that God’s mercies are new every morning 48. I am grateful that I have been given another year to have an impact for His Kingdom

Social Justice 101

Today I attended Common Good's "Social Justice 101". What an awesome presentation put together by the Common Good Team. Challenging us once again to think about our response to poverty and the marginalized of our city. Our attitudes to those who are living in poverty and how we respond to social injustice in our city. I pretty much work in a job where everyday I am challenged with poverty. 70% of the children who attend our school are still 20 years after democracy living in informal housing. Informal housing is a fancy way of saying "shack"! We have become so good at disguising problems with our fancy lingo. Basically it means they have no running water, they have electricity if they are lucky and usually this is secured via unstable connections run between shacks. Usually there are 5 or more people living in a tiny structure built with whatever materials could be secured to build their home. Often these homes are ravaged by fire like seen in the picture below. These are some of the children's homes destroyed earlier this year by a fire caused from a gas explosion in one of the shacks. It spreads quickly and the many people are affected as people live on top of one another and the fire is quickly spiraled out of control.

Some days as I deal with these kids I find myself completely overwhelmed with the need, and I am unable to handle the emotions and tears overwhelm me. Other days I get angry at the children for the way they just expect everyone to do everything for them. One of our students is trying to raise money to go on the LRC Camp at the end of the year. It costs R2000 plus, a ridiculous amount of money for a family to raise in Imizamo Yethu. Onela is determined and is fiercely selling hot dogs two days a week for a mere R6! Often I will have kids in my office, "Miss Debbie buy us a hotdog! Please I don't have money", and I get mad at the attitude behind the ask. Often these are the same kids we confiscate expensive cell phones from, or kids we have caught smoking pot which probably cost them a pretty penny. So what is my response to them supposed to be. Often in the poverty cycle we just perpetuate the problem by continually giving handouts. Every person is created in the image of God. Every person derserves to be treated with dignity, respect and deserves "shalom". I cannot say it better than Tim Keller does in the video clip below. Click on the link below. https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=tim+keller+social+justice I think as a person who cares deeply for the poor and marginalized of our city I will always find my life in conflict. Does this mean I just give up and say there is just too much or do I try and make a difference where I can and try not to be overwhelmed. I think I often need to ask God to help me discern how I respond and always check the attitude of my heart in my response. Is it to make me feel better, like I have ticked a box or is it because I genuinely care for the person in need. Do I look at them and see that they are intrinsically valued as a person created by God. Cape Town as a city has become really good at perpetuating the divide between rich and poor. The mere fact that our suburbs are clearly demarcated is proof of this. Classism persists and people care about whether they live above or below the railway line. Our southern suburbs schools continue to keep out the so called riff raff by screening children they take in by financial standards. Families will purchase property so as to make sure that a child can go to a certain school. Crazy systems like putting your child's name on a waiting list the moment they are born to try and ensure acceptance to a particular school. We care about social status getting into the "right " schools mixing within the right social circles and when we respond to the poor it is often to make us feel better about ourselves. We don't like to have the beggars at our window so we will try to organize them a quick fix in the hope of clearing up our neighbourhood, or so that we don't have to look at them and engage in uncomfortable conversation. Our constant striving to keep up with the Jones'. Poverty is a complex issue and our response to it is important as followers of Christ. Someone once said teach a man to fish and you will feed him for life, this is true but oh so cliched. I think I prefer the proverb about walking in another man's shoes for a while before we judge them. Trying to understand them and seeing a person's intrinsic worth will help us in our response to their poverty. With all our stuff and need for things sometimes I think we are the ones stuck in a different kind of poverty!

Forgiveness Given Trust Denied

So yesterday I made the first and biggest mistake when handling money. I counted out cash and then put it in an envelop and gave it to someone whom I had no issues with trusted that she had watched me count it and then handed it over to her I did not make her recount it and sign that she had received it. OMG what a stupid thing to have done. We were in a rush and I did not see the point as on Monday I would have had to redo it as I had taken money from three different places to make up the money I gave her and thought it would be easier when I had just reconciled everything. I made little sticky notes for myself so I would know where I had taken the bits from. Well it turned out to be a disaster, in my frustration I screamed at this woman on the phone. Oh it was nasty I cannot even begin to recall it in a blog. I was however called a white racist who does not know how to talk to people and told that I talk down to black people and rude and arrogant. I will take the last two. Was I rude yea, can I be arrogant Yes sometimes I think I do come across that way. I guess a flaw I need to work on. But do I talk down to people who are black. Hell NO!!!!! Anyway long story short I was offended hurt and totally screwed over as now I have lost R60 of my own money which she denies receiving. I know its only R60, in all my years working with finance to have to fork our such a pathetic amount of money is really not such an issue but for me it is the principle, that I know she received it. But it was my mistake for not making her sign for the money. And then she had the nerve to tell me and preach to me that money is the root of all evil and I responded back no you are wrong but it is the love of money and not money itself. The worst part of all this is, this is someon I used to be good friends with. Someone I have invited into my home. Flip I was so shocked and hurt by what was said to me that I decided as of yesterday I no longer am going to be a friend at work. My sister has always said never get close to your fellow workers always keep your distance. Work and pleasure don't mix. I would have saved myself a lot of unnecessary heart ache had I listened to her. So I promptly deleted all my colleagues off my facebook profile. I decided that was the first place to start. I will socialize when I have to at staff functions but it will remain platonic an not personal. Always listen to your big sister! Second mistake I made was to offer to help when actually I should have left it up to the teacher who is responsible for our green club. But my stupid heart gets in the way and once again I went beyond the call of duty and pfff what a f@#HHY!!!!!!!!! mess it all turned out to be in the end. I can't help feeling compassion and love towards the children I work for. I love these kids. Darn they had won a competition and yesterday was the last day they could make use of prize tickets to go to the Aquarium. I really wanted them to have the experience and I really did not mind giving up an hour of my Saturday to lift four kids of the eight that were going. Maybe also because I saw first hand how they had been let down in the July school holidays when they all arrived dressed in their best and the plans fell through. I have a soft heart and I really wanted to help. My problem is I care too much, I go beyond the call of duty to much, I give too much of my heart away. I feel too deeply. No more .....It stops today!! Sometimes it takes something like this to learn the hard way. As of tomorrow when I go back to school I will just be doing what is required of me in well, my Job Description! Actually I need to have one drawn up because that is another area where I tend to overstep my boundaries and do much more than is expected. It is because I love my job I really respect the man I work for, he has taught me so much in the last 18 months. In fact I admire his work ethic so much and have learned so much from him, that is the reason I go beyond a stupid Job Description! What is one to do come fellow bloggers and readers of my blog help me out here. I need to get into a better head space....feedback please. Do I change this heart of flesh for one of stone?

The 2.30am Women's Club

So I am writing this blog to invite all pre post in the middle wherever you may find yourself MEN a PAUSAL women! Let's start a 2.30am Women's Club. Those of you in this stage of life will know what I am referring to, no matter how late or how early you go to bed you will find yourself awake at this ungodly hour. If like myself over the last few days that has been due to a horrid female problem!!!! So after I have bathed at 2am made some tea I sit in the silence of my lounge trying desperately not to make a noise. However I find myself wanting to do things that almost cannot be done quietly. I might find my hand at baking but this is precarious because it makes noise especially if one has butter fingers. You do not want to alarm the household with banging pots, although you will find none of them complain when waking up to hot homemade treats.

The other awful thing about this phase in my life is that I seem to have become a DUST BUSTER! I find every spec of dust in sight and then one thing leads to another and at some insane ungodly hour I find myself rearranging furniture! We could have skype bookclubs, skype coffee or wine parties! So the other beef I have is this... so I go for my gynae check up 2 weeks ago because I feel well something is not quite right. He discovers some sort of "extra lining 16mm thick in my uterus" so says "um oh dear this isnt normal". He promptly puts me on some tablets and says "you can expect a heavy bleed in 10 days. After which you must come back and we will rescan and see if there is progress." HAHA he also says you are not menopausal, you are too young. Dude I have had night sweats for 7 years my husband blames all my mood swings on menopause and well these sleepless nights! Last year I was at the start this year I am nowhere near it! Whatever dude! Anyways like clockwork the big bleed starts this past Sunday.....OMG he was not joking what a fricking nightmare. 42 sanitary towels in 2 days and when you haven't needed to buy these little suckers for over ten months well lets just say I could have almost had a mani/pedi with the amount of money they cost. Anyway after 3 days I am completely over this I cannot function normally I finally get hold of him and say "Dude I have a life can we please make this stop!" I am so over washing sheets and clothes he goes "okay you can take tablets that should ease it up". So R800 for a consult R700 for bloods which say absolutely nothing R300 on tablets R160 on sanitary towels. Seriously who needs this, I could have taken myself off to a spa for 2 days! I say lets just get rid of this child incubating piece of nonsense I am so over this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So do I have any takers wanting to join me in the 2.30am Women's Club .....or do I find myself Alone!

The meaning of my name - Deborah

So I was told by a lady in my Thursday prayer group to go and read this. It is courtesy of www.hannahscupboard.com/character-deborah.html I found it an interesting read perhaps my dream of a future in politics is not just a pipe dream. Maybe we will still see the establishment of the M.A.D. Party. Watch this space!

Character Study: Deborah - God's Iron Lady ...and the sons of Israel came up to her for judgment. bee on flower They used to call former Prime Minister of England Margaret Thatcher the Iron Lady for her plainspoken tough leadership. Well I wonder then if she wasn’t a distant descendant of an earlier female leader from Israel’s Old Testament days. In fact this one might have been the original Iron Lady. Deborah was a prophetess and Judge in Israel – pretty much the top governmental office then, and the only woman ever to hold the position. She must have been something to see! Her story is told in the 4th and 5th chapters of Judges following a familiar pattern. First the people would do evil and fall away from serving the Lord, then God would judge them and deliver them into the hands of their enemies, then they would cry out and return to God and finally he would deliver them. Unfortunately, the lesson was never permanently learned and the whole cycle kept repeating. Cycle of Judgment Within this cycle, Deborah ruled while Israel was under God’s judgment. An army commander named Sisera under a king name Jabin had “oppressed the sons of Israel severely for twenty years.” (Judges 4:3) Here’s how she ruled. “She used to sit under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim; and the sons of Israel came up to her for judgment.” (Judges 4:5) I always think it is interesting to see how those who don’t believe women can hold positions of governmental leadership within the church get around this passage of scripture. Deborah did it. God clearly appointed her and Israel clearly accepted her authority. The sons of Israel lined up (under her own tree no less) to have their case judged by her; her spiritual weight was evidently heavy. The level of her spiritual authority is particularly demonstrated after she summons a warrior leader named Barak. She tells him to fight their enemy Sisera because the Lord revealed to her, “’I will give him into your hand.’” Listen to how Barak responds: “’If you will go with me, then I will go; but if you will not go with me, I will not go.’” (Verse 8) He was not willing to go into battle without her. Lest you think that Barak was some sort of spiritual wimp, note that he is listed in the great Hebrews 11 Faith Hall of Fame. (See Hebrews 11:32) Nonetheless, Deborah was willing to go to war while letting Barak know that his decision would mean he would forfeit any credit. “’I will surely go with you; nevertheless, the honor shall not be yours on the journey that you are about to take, for the Lord will sell Sisera into the hands of a woman.’” (Judges 4:9) Right before Barak headed into battle Deborah again declared victory and Sisera’s army was totally routed. In the aftermath there is a very interesting sub plot involving another feisty female and I will write more about that momentarily. Then Chapter 5 of Judges recounts a beautiful song of praise to God for victory sung jointly by Deborah and Barak. Character revealed in actions So, that’s the story of what Deborah did but what does that tell us about her character? Her actions reveal her character. The first thing I see is confidence so sure of God’s call that compromise stood no chance of hampering it. Deborah was plain spoken and direct, honest, decisive and courageous. No waffling. No shirking from hard choices. She probably saw life pretty black and white—no gray areas to vacillate over. We don’t know her early history; nothing about how she came to realize she was a prophetess or when she was first led to sit under the “palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel.” But her gifts were obviously recognized as genuine or else the sons of Israel would not have come to her for judgment. Wow—and these were men! Actually submitting to the decision of a woman for their case. When Deborah told the nation to go into battle they trusted her and believed she had actually heard from the Lord. And of course she had! Deborah was a woman of influence. I can’t help but believe that her strong leadership created an atmosphere conducive for other women to flourish. Now it’s time to talk about that other feisty woman in Chapter 4. Her name was Jael and she personally destroyed Sisera (the enemy Barak feared fighting without Deborah) by cunningly driving a tent peg through his head. You can read the details in Judges 4:17-22. Jael was every bit the spiritual daughter of Deborah and Deborah praises her in her song by saying, “’Most blessed of women is Jael.’” Is there a character lesson from Deborah for those of us—both men and women--in leadership roles today? Yes. But don’t mistakenly admire Deborah for the wrong thing and automatically assume you can’t follow in her footsteps especially if you have a “softer” type personality. The point is not her “assertiveness” but her uncompromising integrity to be about God’s business. What’s in a name While Prime Minister Thatcher was nicknamed the Iron Lady, Deborah’s name is significant all by itself. Deborah means “bee.” That’s an important piece of information when studying any Bible personality. A name usually indicated the person’s character or their prophetic destiny. If we think about Deborah based on her name she is quite an appealing role model. Bees are busy focusing on their appointed task. That’s why we might get stung if we don’t steer clear of them while they’re doing what they do best. Yes, bees are no nonsense creatures but ah…the results! All their industry is delightfully fruitful, producing one of nature’s most wonderful commodities: honey. I for one wouldn’t mind one bit being like a bee (or a Deborah) if I had such a sweet nutritious harvest to show for it. Deborah had a great fruitful harvest. She didn’t neglect or compromise her call from God, as unusual as it was in her time. Deborah was a woman of influence and her spiritual mantle created an atmosphere of courage for both men and women. God favored her and that is seen most clearly in the Bible’s last line about her ministry. Remember that when she Judged Israel it had been under severe oppression for twenty years. The end result was a double portion of victory. “And the land was undisturbed for forty years.” (Judges 5:31) Are you a Deborah? We could use a big crop of fresh honey in our day.

Living with hope

What does it mean to say we have a hope and a faith? Is it the absence of problems walking in perfect health always having everything we need? What happens when life throws you a curve ball when you find yourself facing possible disease or you lose someone you love dearly, does it mean that you have sinned done something wrong? Is God punishing you for sin, is there unforgiveness in your life unconfessed sin? I don't believe so. When we believe in the resurrection. in life eternal then when problems like cancer, death and other overwhelming situations face us in life we have a Hope, an Anchor, a Saviour. a friend that we can turn to. If we walk closely with Jesus and bad things happen to us it does not always mean that you have unresolved sin sometimes life just happens. We are not living in the new heaven and the new earth, we are living in a fallen world one that has problems and when life gives you lemons I believe you need to make lemonade. And not sugar free lemonade the kind that Tee makes with a small bag of sugar and tastes delicious. The bible says rejoice always. In all things give thanks. If the fig tree does not blossom and the vine bears no fruit still I will praise Him.(Habbakuk 3v 17) Those scriptures are a clear indication that trouble and hard times will come but even in that God does not change and He is worthy of our praise. One of my favourite psalms Psalm 57 David finds himself in difficult times but he chooses to exalt God. Life is a choice, CHOOSE LIFE!

Life's sweet simple pleasures

I love break times at our school. I love watching the children playing, laughing, eating forming relationships. I moved my desk so that I could see them from my window as I work. I love hearing their laughter. The smiles on their faces as they eat the meal provided for them. For some of them it is their only meal of the day. The passion of our boys as they chase after a soccer ball. The noise of the girls as they play a skipping game. I was walking to the staffroom the other day and the girls were playing this skipping game. I stopped for a second to capture this on video and was transported back in time to my own childhood. I remembered playing with the elastic around our ankles, drawing with chalk as we played hopscotch in the streets.

I love that cellphones are not allowed at our school, I love that these kids can still enjoy the simple sweet pleasures of life.