Forgiveness Given Trust Denied

So yesterday I made the first and biggest mistake when handling money. I counted out cash and then put it in an envelop and gave it to someone whom I had no issues with trusted that she had watched me count it and then handed it over to her I did not make her recount it and sign that she had received it. OMG what a stupid thing to have done. We were in a rush and I did not see the point as on Monday I would have had to redo it as I had taken money from three different places to make up the money I gave her and thought it would be easier when I had just reconciled everything. I made little sticky notes for myself so I would know where I had taken the bits from. Well it turned out to be a disaster, in my frustration I screamed at this woman on the phone. Oh it was nasty I cannot even begin to recall it in a blog. I was however called a white racist who does not know how to talk to people and told that I talk down to black people and rude and arrogant. I will take the last two. Was I rude yea, can I be arrogant Yes sometimes I think I do come across that way. I guess a flaw I need to work on. But do I talk down to people who are black. Hell NO!!!!! Anyway long story short I was offended hurt and totally screwed over as now I have lost R60 of my own money which she denies receiving. I know its only R60, in all my years working with finance to have to fork our such a pathetic amount of money is really not such an issue but for me it is the principle, that I know she received it. But it was my mistake for not making her sign for the money. And then she had the nerve to tell me and preach to me that money is the root of all evil and I responded back no you are wrong but it is the love of money and not money itself. The worst part of all this is, this is someon I used to be good friends with. Someone I have invited into my home. Flip I was so shocked and hurt by what was said to me that I decided as of yesterday I no longer am going to be a friend at work. My sister has always said never get close to your fellow workers always keep your distance. Work and pleasure don't mix. I would have saved myself a lot of unnecessary heart ache had I listened to her. So I promptly deleted all my colleagues off my facebook profile. I decided that was the first place to start. I will socialize when I have to at staff functions but it will remain platonic an not personal. Always listen to your big sister! Second mistake I made was to offer to help when actually I should have left it up to the teacher who is responsible for our green club. But my stupid heart gets in the way and once again I went beyond the call of duty and pfff what a f@#HHY!!!!!!!!! mess it all turned out to be in the end. I can't help feeling compassion and love towards the children I work for. I love these kids. Darn they had won a competition and yesterday was the last day they could make use of prize tickets to go to the Aquarium. I really wanted them to have the experience and I really did not mind giving up an hour of my Saturday to lift four kids of the eight that were going. Maybe also because I saw first hand how they had been let down in the July school holidays when they all arrived dressed in their best and the plans fell through. I have a soft heart and I really wanted to help. My problem is I care too much, I go beyond the call of duty to much, I give too much of my heart away. I feel too deeply. No more .....It stops today!! Sometimes it takes something like this to learn the hard way. As of tomorrow when I go back to school I will just be doing what is required of me in well, my Job Description! Actually I need to have one drawn up because that is another area where I tend to overstep my boundaries and do much more than is expected. It is because I love my job I really respect the man I work for, he has taught me so much in the last 18 months. In fact I admire his work ethic so much and have learned so much from him, that is the reason I go beyond a stupid Job Description! What is one to do come fellow bloggers and readers of my blog help me out here. I need to get into a better head space....feedback please. Do I change this heart of flesh for one of stone?