2nd January 2011

Welcome 2011 I am so pleased 2010 is behind us. I am so excited for this year ahead. "For I Know the plans I have for you says the Lord, Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. plans for a future and a hope."

Almost Jesse's 13th birthday. Gosh 3 teenagers ~ I think life may get more interesting. Just 4 days and we will have Ashleigh's matric results, Jason is off to Camp Rev and well back to routine from Monday.

Johannesburg "holiday" was awesome. I say holidy in brackets because I never really took a complete break I had Kuzina queries everyday except Christmas as I switched off my phone. I kind of had no choice my daughter made me tis beautiful card that had a picture of Christmas and then next to it my laptop with a big red cross through it. I took the hint and never turned my laptop on either. It was a wonderful day but I will never do it wiwithout Andre again. Even though I was surrounded by all of my family I fefelt a tinge of loneliness. I was kind of hoping he would just arrive as a surprize.

This is a picture of the kids waiting for the Gautrain, what an amazing train.

2011

Linda Johnson wrote this poem and this is my prayer too for 2011


By Linda Lowe Johnson

So, how will it be for me?
Will I do things I have never done before?
Will I say "No" to things I could say "Yes" to?
Will it get old or will it stay new?

Will I keep shedding my old skin?
Will I keep growing and changing as the days go by..
Each day a happier and kinder person?
Will I use each day to it's utmost,
Or will I let days go to waste on meaningless things..

Will I number my days and live wisely and strategically?
Will 2011 fly by in dreams, fantasies and good intentions,
Or will I put action and movement to my well thought out plans
To change my world..

I want to live, I want to give,
I want to be a miner for gold* in the people I meet
I want something to move and adjust in them when I speak
Let me look intently into their eyes and hearts
So I can bring growth and change.

I don't want to be lazy or selfish in my loving.
I want life to spring up in those who have died a thousand deaths
In their world of pain and harshness.

Let me be a pillow. A comfy bed. A cuddly blanket.
A water bottle. Water. Food. Shelter.

Let my words be few.
May my actions speak louder than words
Quick to listen and do and slow to speak

When my hand moves to touch,
Let not my mind hold it back.

When my eyes need to see,
Let not my eyelids close.

When my tongue is ready with a loving word,
Let not my mouth hold it in.

May there be unity in my body, mind and spirit;
Every part of me moving together
To show unconditional love and kindness
To those who can never repay me.

12 December

So yesterday I finished my tattoo. It looks awesome but this time was quite sore. Tatoos are not for the faint hearted, but if you have given birth naturally then you will cope!

I am feeling completely exhausted. I feel like I am doing Christmas alone this year- well I am since Andre is not coming to Jhb. But my kids are just not into coming shopping and helping choose gifts for their cousins, its been quite disappointing actually and lonely, but maybe it has something to do with the mood swings I have been having lately. Seriously people I think I am stressed because the slightest thing sets me off. Truth is I am sick of being at the heart of my family's critisicm. It does not matter what I do I am always wrong. I am working so fricken hard to provide financially but it is never enough....I am working on losing weight and the other day Andre says you will never get back the body you once had...lovely encouragement.

I think this idea of island living is becoming appealing to me maybe I will just have to make it a metaphorical island and pretend each day that I am living there already and make that my happy place.

I have told my kids they no longer have to do their chores I am so sick of nagging and making it seem like I am a slave driver. So I told them I am no longer giving pocket money and so they no longer have to do their mininal chores. I have such great kids but lately they seem so self absorbed. Now my family would say that about me but no one helps to make the garden pretty they place where they have to enjoy summer. The wind does not help my mood either, and neither does the arthritic pain. I think when your body constantly aches sometimes it sets off hectic emotions in a person. I understand that scripture now where Paul says "I do the things I dont want to do and I don't do things I want to do - something like that, its like this constant war withinside oneself.

9 December 2010

So it must be nearing the holidays if you have to go and look at your calendar to see what the date is... I am beginning to feel it 11 days and I am on leave. Flip it has been one crazy year.

I have not been too great the past two days with a vicious stomach bug attacking my system and now at 3.41 I am awake with my chest bothering me. The weather has been insanely beautiful in Cape Town with no wind. These are beach days and it is aweful when you have to work!!! However I am almost there. 20 summons ready and waiting for the sheriff to deliver. Month end November almost done and dusted....

I fly to Jhb next week Wednesday and I am beyond excited. Although my holiday officially only starts on the 21st I am working right up until then need to pay salaries on the 20th and then I am putting my laptop away...well fro work purposes, of course I will blog and twitter and Facebook.

4 December 2010

So two weeks ago I saw this new physio guy at the New Cape Quarter www.sparc.co.za . Physio is hard work its not what we imagine a nice massage, nope no pain no gain. He also put me on this sort of exercise programme. I go swim everyday, and I bought this ball and am doing these exercises. So today I feel like I have a gazillion new muscles. Every part of me aches. But it is a good ache because I am feeling stronger. I feel like I have the strength to climb a mountain. I havent felt this good since I was dancing 20 years ago.

My paralegal business is up and running and I feel focused and excited.

Ashleigh is now officially finished matric, she left with 6 girlfriends today for Knysna. Her dad is amazing he drove them there and is going to fetch them again on Tuesday. There is nothing he wont do for his little girl.


One week and 2 days and I will be in Johannesburg. Bring on the holidays!!!!!!!!

25 November 2010

Yesterday was a very difficult day. I have never had to mediate a dismissal before. One of the barman stole a Red Bull amd was caught last week. He arrived half an hour late for the hearing and then proceeded to beg for his job. He also arrived with his two kids. I instructed him that his children may not sit in and that if needs be we will postpone to next week. He however wanted to continue. It was clear that this guy was stealing probably on a regular basis but this time he got caught. Losing your job over a Red Bull! Are there degrees to theft? I dont believe there are. He then became quite arrogant in the end and demanded i pay him there and then. I ended up leaving work at 4.30 and sat in that horrific traffic. I was so mad that this had happened due to this guys arrogance, and in the end after deducting the loans he had made and the staff that he owed money to, he ended up owing us. Anyway I think it was an awesome learning curve for me.

Today I also went to a new physio who also focuses on rehabilitation. It was amazing to talk to him and discuss a programme that will help me to get stronger regain my proper balance and generally help me to help myself. I explained to him that I feel that I cannot keep paying for physio sessions but need to get help as I am really still battling I cannot lift my left arm above shoulder height and it continually aches, I still battle with balance still having no feeling in those left 3 toes. Some days I am so stiff when I wake up I literally have to will myself out of bed. It was tough he gave me a load of exercises and has given me a programme which he expects me to follow. But I needed this someone to make me work to improve my posture for the long term. So to all my friends I give you permission to poke me in the back if you see me slouching. It is painful but my mom al;ways said "No pain No gain" She is a wise woman.

Anyhow I have been making a concerted effort to start my day pausing and reflecting on the word of God. I believe this has made an impact and given me grace to walk humbly and with grace in what has been an incredibly difficult week.

Off to bed now I don't want to fall back into my bad habit of working too late.

14 November 2010

One month and I will be packing for Johannesburg. I haven't had Christmas with my family in almost 13 years. I am so excited. My little niece Emma is so adorable and my great newphew Riley is gorgeous. Two little babies to play with, what bliss. I will be staying with my brother and his family so I will have Emma all to myself. Also to have Christmas with Children who still get excited about Father Christmas will be awesome, because my kids as old as they are still love putting out the milk and cookies.I am just praying that we can still get flights for Andre. He can only join us for the Christmas weekend.

Christmas.....what memories does that invoke in you. The smells of delicious food, beautiful lights presents wrapped to perfection, family hugs and happiness. If that is you then remember that you are part of the priviledged view.

For many in South Africa this is not their reality.Let's try remember that this Christmas and give generously to the poor the aged the lonely and the orphaned.


I love Sundays when there is nothing planned. Andre and Jesse went off early this morning to go 4x4 in the mountains of Stellenbosch an awesome Father and Son outing which Jesse won via an internet car game. Ashleigh and Jason got down to some serious studing(well at least I hope it was serious) and I have pottered around. Washing done, went to the nursery and bought some lettuce chives and lavender and have been playing in the garden for most of the morning.

Now I am lying listening to Bette Midler and soon I am going to get stuck into some serious scrapbooking. What a beautiful and blessed and full life I have.

My health is getting better too. Stiffness is something I am learing to cope with and the more I exercise the better I feel everyday and definitely notice a difference when I am bad and break away from being preservative free in my diet!!!! Generally though I am 100% better.

So may you all enjoy the rest of your Sunday..... watch this space for pictures of my veggie garden!!!

11 November 2010

It is so difficult to put in words what I have experienced this week. However I am going to try. For those of you who have been following my blog you will know that my decision to leave Wakame was not an easy one. Of course some aspects were easy but from a financial perspective it was a huge risk. I knew without a doubt that I had to change my lifestyle, I had become someone not even I recognised in the mirror, I had become driven unfocused - LOST.

I loved the people I worked with and the fear of working from home and setting up my own Paralegal business was daunting to say the least, but at the end of September I left Wakame and said to my God "Ok I trust I am doing the right thing".

This week LegalEyes was officially registered, last week I employed a lawyer from the Congo, Didier, to work with me, and today I purchased my software for listing! Tomorrow I receive my first "income". I am amazed at the timing of everything and how it has all come together with so much ease. I feel totally blessed and happy. I love waking up in the mornings and I love what I do. I am so grateful for risks taken, someone once said "Nothing ventured Nothing gained" Too true.

I know that when we walk in the will of God and we seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, it is true all things will be added to us. It has taken me 28 years to trust this completely I am just grateful it didn't take a life time.

And so as I conclude todays post I would say to anyone reading this if you have never crossed the great divide and trusted completely and wholly in the One who created you and loves you and gave His life for you...I encourage you take that step today and if you are unsure just remember ...it was not the nails that held Him to the cross- it was His eternal love for you!