The end of an Era - 10th August 2018

On the 10th of August 2018 I said goodbye to my Mom. 

June Magdalene Hutt.  - Now this lady was a beautiful woman, I am so glad God chose her to be my mom. I am fortunate enough to have inherited some really good genetics from her! 

My mom was the 3rd child born into a family of 11 children. She was the matriarch of this family so well loved by all her brothers and sisters. She was the daughter of a tailor, Phillip George Whitehead, and Mary Magdalene Vorster. Phillip George was of Irish decent and Mary was descendant of the Afrikaans stock from South Africa. My mom grew up in a strict Catholic home. I only knew my grandmother. She died at age 54. I was only 6 years old.

We used to go to my grans flat everyday after school. My sister and I would catch the bus from Assumption convent to Malvern and then walk down to grans flat. I have very vague memories of that. I remember the morning my granny died, we lived in Edenvale and my dad came through to our bedroom and called my sister and I, knelt down and said "Granny died last night". Honestly I did not know what death was at that young age. But Mom died when she was 80, her death was very real and painful for me. 

In the June of 2018 Mom celebrated her 80th birthday! It was a wonderful celebration of her life with her remaining brothers and sisters coming to celebrate a wonderful dinner and all my family went up to enjoy the weekend with Mom. Her cancer had returned and she was really not well, but she put on a brave face for that celebration, but I could see that she was struggling. 

Two weeks after that we went to England to celebrate Andre's sister's wedding. It was the first trip overseas with our children. Andre whispered into Mom's ear to please not spoil our trip but to hang on until we got back. And that she did!

I got to spend the last week of her life with her. I had just recently ended a work contract so I had free time and I went to Jhb. When I arrived I was so shocked to see how mom had deteriorated. I had been in touch with her on the phone but did not realise how she had deteriorated so quickly. She was at the time living with my sister, and she asked to see all three of her children. She wanted to apologise to us for her divorce from my dad, the guilt had just never left her. We had never made mom feel like it was her fault but she could not forgive herself.  She was also fighting her own demons that had made her feel unworthy of God.  

It was a sad but beautiful time, that last week, I will forever treasure the memories of just holding her hand sitting on the couch, She was so ill but still had that fighting spirit. She would take my sister and my hand and ask us to help her jump over the line, she did not want to go or leave us and wanted us to jump over with her, but her body had failed her , the cancer just spreading everywhere. 

My sisters house was a stream of unending visitors, it was exhausting! I remember the Sunday when we helped her into the bath, myself Glynis and Byron. She was so happy to be in the water just relaxing, my mom loved to bath! That day we moved her to my brother's house, because my brother and sister were going to take turns in caring for her.  I went to spend Sunday and Monday with her.  I lay next to her singing over her songs at night to bring her peace.  It was tough.  On the Tuesday evening I was flying back to Cape Town, I spent some time alone with her.  I begged her to make her peace with God, I told her that I want to see her waiting for me the other side of eternity. She just smiled and me and responded " Deborah where did I get you from?!" I hugged her hard and told her that I knew this was the last time I would see her this side of eternity. I told her I needed to go home and be with my family to mourn her.  It was the hardest moment of my life to date but I knew I had to release her, her earthly life was over. She died on Thursday the 10th of August 2018.

It took me two years to process the loss of my beautiful mother, God would slowly show me things after her death that brought great understanding to my mom's life, her guilt and all the things she quietly held in her heart, carrying her pain alone. She was one of the strongest woman I have known . She always carried herself with grace and beauty. 

Today, whenever I see a white butterfly I am reminded of her, not a day goes by when at some point she is in my thoughts. 

This week on Wednesday will mark 4 years since she left this side of eternity, I know she waits on the other side for me, God in His own miraculous way revealed that to me, and I am grateful that in death she finally found true peace.